I have come to the realization that I am a black and white person (fellow Matchbox Twenty fans can appreciate that!!) My world has no grey. I have always itemized my life into columns and there is never any cross over. Things are either right or wrong, good or evil, successes or failures. I have always been open-minded to the world but I could always classify everything somehow. Suddenly, I find myself standing on one side of the Grand Canyon looking at the other side. When I look down all I see is an endless precipice that seems to extend into the very core of the earth. This is how I have been viewing my weight loss. I stand on my side, 242 pounds of unhappiness. On the other side, stands a 155 pound beauty.
Recently, I felt as though I tumbled down to the very bottom of that Canyon. I had failed myself. After 7 weeks and 14 pounds of success, I tripped off my edge and my fat butt rolled right down to the bottom. There I lay for 6 days wallowing in self-pity and greasy foods; looking up at the skinny side of the ravine and believing that I would never reach that glorious cliff. I was alone in the darkness.
On that 7th morning, I saw the faintest movement high above me on that dreadful side of the Grand Canyon. As more days passed, I started to see more and more activity there. There were people up there!! I could see them!! And they were trying to rescue me!!! It was then that I realized that I hadn't failed; I had just slipped. And there were people waiting for me to regain my footing!
Somehow, I have managed to climb out of my despair and I am now back up on my side. Still 242 pounds, but that other side appears a bit closer now. I look down to see that there has been the smallest few planks of board extended from beneath my feet toward my goal. They had been placed there to encourage me and to help me cross that Canyon. They had been put there by those people who care about me...My family, my friends, and those few whom I have never met personally, but have sent me more inspiration than I ever imagined might be transferred through a computer screen!
Now, I know that weight loss is a different type of battle that requires a different type of stategy. It is not just a success or failure. There can actually be success IN failure!! Without this stumble, I wouldn't have realized something about myself. More importantly, I never would have noticed those people up on that cliff, hammers in hand, waiting to add more boards to that bridge. Thanks to you all!!!
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4 comments:
Very moving post!! :( I got all choked up! hehe Glad to see you picked yourself up and are back on board! We will build this bridge but we might have to make some trips to the hardware store! lol
You know what? These failures a so much more precious than we realize! The only reason I am a more successful in this attempt to lose weight as oppose to previous ones is that I learned so much about what led to my previous failures, that I knew what to anticipate, what to circumvent, what to fight...and because I was ahead of them and ready to fight them, I was not taken by surprised and was not overcome by them. Every time they show up you can say, oh I know you, but boy have I got something for you!?!?!?! LOL. I am telling you you are doing so GREAT, this is all part of the process. This is precious blocks of the puzzle falling into place to really pave the way to your inevitable success! This is part of the bridge! And you've said it: There is absolutely no way you can fail if you just never quit! Impossible! I am so excited for you, cause I know you will do it! and then will feel so empowered, happy and FREE! WOOOOOOOO! And I am so proud of you for so openly sharing your struggles. Here's a sip of water to you! LOL, Karine
I think that all of us have gone sideways and even backwards on our weight loss journeys. It takes a lot of courage to admit it and it takes even more to change course and start moving forward again. Congratulations on continuing forward, as long as you can manage to redirect your path you'll eventually make it to the other side of the grand canyon! Never look at it as failure, it's just a sidestep. Sometimes we all need to sidestep to realize what we were even moving towards.
I understand what you are going through "success", but you must keep your head up and stay the course. Your friends and family as well as your internet family are here for you.
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