Self Psychiatry

Okay, so I am not a licensed professional, but who knows me better than me? So I think that makes me more than qualified to analyze my own issues.

Yesterday, I asked myself "Why do I crave junk food and fast food?" And here's what I have come up with so far.

1. It's an indulgence.
I feel like eating out somehow proves that my family isn't impoverished. This may come from growing up in such a large family. As I have four other siblings, eating out was always a special treat and the few times we got to do it, I remember having to split a meal with my sister. I can't recall ever having one of my own. Being able to buy whatever I want, whenever I want seems to make me feel strangely accomplished.

2. It's convenient.
I don't have to do anything to get it. I don't even have to get out of my car to eat it!! It means no grocery store, no cooking, no dish washing, no work! It's like having a genie...I just ask for something and POOF! I have it!

3. It's forbidden.
Let's face it...telling someone NOT to do something is a sure way of promoting the behavior sometimes. That tiny rebellious streak inside me says "I know that I am not supposed to have this, but I am an adult and can do whatever the hell I want!!!" It's like some sort of strange cry of independence. I am a law-abiding citizen and, at times, I have even been called a "goody goody". Eating this crap whenever I want to seems to be some sort of stupid, childish way of screaming "I AM NOT A GOODY GOODY!!"

4. It's reliable.
I assume that there is some sort of deep seated comfort in the sweets and fats that I eat. "I'm PMS-ing, I need the largest chocolate shake around." "I am mad at my husband, I'm not cooking. Let's all have a cheeseburger. And I will make him go get it, too!!" "I'm so depressed. All I want to do is eat." Food is a friend. It will never hurt my feelings, take the parking spot that I wanted, never cheat on me, and doesn't judge me. And food is always there.

5. It's an excuse.
It gives me a reason to visit with friends. It provides something to blame this excess weight on. It somehow justifies it's own expense. It's an escape from uncomfortable social situations. It's a simple reason to leave my office during the day!

6. It's universal.
There are McDonalds in China. There are Burger Kings in Paris. There are millions of people all over the world eating the exact same garbage that we have here in the US. I can travel just about anywhere in the world and still get a Big Mac or a Whopper. And in some cases, I can even get them as soon as I step off a plane!!!

Alright, now my vice has been defined. Now I can attempt to reconstruct my thought process to view food in an entirely different manner. Now I just have to find some ways to convert my vice into a virtue.