Monday, November 20, 2006

And my weekend is over....

Oh, it's Monday...AGAIN!!! I really hate Mondays; they mean that the weekend is really over and that the next one is as far away as it can get!! But it's a short week...

"Smile and have fun today; tomorrow may be worse." Some simple but very wise words from an 8 year old cancer patient I read about today. Here is this child, the same age as my own, sitting in a hospital fighting for his life every single day. He has to endure needles, medications, treatments and still keeps smiling! So what the hell is my problem!! I am for all intents and purposes a healthy, vibrant individual whose only struggle is with her weight! And I am bitching about skipping the french fries and having to go to the gym?!?! This problem is not that difficult and, blessfully, not that deadly. So, lets lay down the facts and figures {shiver} of my own fight and get right down to it, shall we? I can longer be afraid of numbers!!!

Weight: 244 lbs
Dress size: 20W
Measurements: 46", 44", 49"
BMI: 39

There, its out there! Shocking, I know, but it's true! I measured myself this morning! And you know what...I wasn't that upset about it! I didn't cry. I didn't get frustrated about what the hell I was gonna wear to work today. It didn't make me grumpy. They're just a bunch of damn NUMBERS!! That's it! Nothing more! They neither define my character nor determine my morality. They can't win me friends or influence people. They can't help me to get or lose a job (at least not in the scientific community ;) thank God). They don't make me who I am. These numbers mean absolutely nothing to anyone but me!!! They are quantitative not qualitative!! These numbers are no more than reference tools used to help us see where we stand in relation to everyone else in the world. No more important than shoe size or height. I am the only person who has made these few digits into a measure of myself. I have let them determine my social activity level. I have let them determine my interest in sex. I have let them tell me that I am a horrible and ugly person.

So, I am redefining my numbers. They are not going to be my defining characteristics. They will now be nothing more to me than instruments for determining my success. They will help me to visualize where I am going and to remember where I have been.

They are just numbers!!!!

2 comments:

Annieann77 said...

Glad to see that your getting a little more positive about this whole "diet" thing?! Love you little ticker and turtle soup! he he, but he's a little hard to see you might have to move him to so you can see him beter and feed him! lol

Robert Fellows, Jr. said...

That's a very healthy outlook. I'm glad to see you putting things into perspective.