The good was reported yesterday when I discussed his loving and attentive detail in confronting all I had to share with him.
The bad was asking him (yet again) to let me know the schedule for this weekend. It's Thursday!! Was it so wrong of me to want to know if he had a band related event on Saturday before I finalized family plans?!?!
The real ugly was the explosive argument that followed. Its was easily one of the worst we've ever had.
I have been asking him to check his schedule about this Saturday for over 2 weeks now. His parents wanted us all to get together this weekend and do a little weenie and marshmallow roasting. It's something his dad has been trying to coordinate for months and we finally nailed a date. It's been on my calender since then and I have been trying to get Phil to make sure it was on his as well.
He has never been good about communicating his schedule with me. I know that he is busy, but it is just a common courtesy to let others know your availability (or in his case unavailability) in a timely manner. We have argued over this before. I'd make plans for a family outing and 2-3 days beforehand he tells me of a concert, or contest, or parade, or something that he has to be out of town for. For 10 years, I have scheduled and rescheduled my life around his and I just got fed up with it this morning!! He is a band director and he "doesn't know" if he has some sort of engagement for 2 days from now?!?! To me, that was both ridiculous and irresponsible. If he didn't even know, how could he possibly expect his students to attend an event they don't even know about yet?!?! He claims it to be missing from the official calenders (both his and the bands), there is no website discussing the issue, nor is he aware of anything going on that day. BUT, he says "I am not sure"! What do you mean "you aren't sure" ?!? You just said that there is nothing on the schedule and nothing on the web, but we can't assume that you are free for this weekend?!? WTH???? "I just don't know" WHAT?!?! I just couldn't understand not knowing if you have something to do in 2 DAYS!?!?!?! I was frustrated, upset, and pushed beyond my limits. And apparently so was he. He just exploded!! Of course, I didn't take that well at all!!! I am still pissed if you can't tell already. And the worst of it all is, we thought Megan was outside in the car ready to go to school. All the while she was standing just outside the door and heard everything!!
I just can't take the idea that he has so little courtesy and respect for me that he can't even take the time to find out where the hell he is supposed to be and let me know! Even if it wasn't listed in his office or something, a simple phone call a bloody week ago and none of this would have happened!!! I am so tired of planning our FAMILY around HIS work schedule. It's irritating and hurtful. I can certainly appreciate his dedication to his job, but there has to be some sort of median between his responsibilities to his band and those to us. And just communicating those damn things to me in a timely fashion (just as most kind and considerate people actually do!) would improve our situation immensely. Oh, I am still just so angry!
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Hi Kellie, I know that when I ask my hubby what the plans are for the weekend he always avoids answering me and I think it is because he thinks that I am going to make him do something? He thinks to himself about how he wants to work in the garage or putz around doing something and is worried that I'll say I want him to hang x-mas lights or whatever when really I'm just trying to talk to him and see what his plans were ?! I'm glad to hear you talked it out with your husband and he didn't freak out over your letter and that you are back on the wagon!! Don't give up! :)
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