Okay, I am back in the game. I am not gonna dwell on the set-backs of last week. Notice that I didn't call them failures. That's because they weren't failures; they were challenges or trials or weaknesses or set-backs...whatever you want to call them. As long as I haven't given up on myself, I haven't failed. So, here I am. Ready to go. A little heavier perhaps, but a bit wiser hopefully.
My current issue is with my husband. Sometimes I think that I might actually be better off as a single mother. It often feels like I am already. To me, it's the little things that can be so important sometimes. Here are some things that I think would really make a difference in how I feel as a wife.
1. I'd like to have flowers sent to me for no reason. He has only sent me flowers twice in the 10 years we've been married: once when our daughter was born and again as an "I'm sorry" for a serious, serious screw up. My favorite flowers are carnations and daffodils. Come on!! I'm cheap!!
2. I'd like for him to take the initiative and actually cook a meal for the family once in a while. Even when he knows exactly what I have planned for the meal, he will still wait for me to cook it. And when he does head for the stove, he asks me 50 million questions: "What do you want?"; How do I _______?"; "Where is the ________?"..... I end up just getting frustrated and fixing it myself!! And I don't want to have to ASK him to help!! Basically, if I don't cook, we all starve!!
3. Help me manage our finances, PLEASE!!! I don't have enough time in my day to work 8 hours, manage the house, tend to the pets, support his career, AND keep track of the bills. It's just too much to handle and frankly, I am tired of doing it by myself!! You may not realize it, but they are your bills too, dear!!!
4. Realize when I am TRYING to be sexy and when I just want to be left the hell alone! There are so many times that I have tried to get his attention with subtlety. You know, that wild, wet headed temptress fresh from the shower or the sweet innocent on the pillow with the halo of hair around her face... Typically, I have to be spralled and naked to get him to say something!!
5. Plan a date for us! Please take me out somewhere!! And don't ask me what I want to do and where I want to eat. Surprise me. Romance me.
It's not that he is selfish. He's just so self-centered that he has no idea how much I have and continue to sacrifice for him. It's a problem we've had for a long, long, LONG time now and it just really bugs me so much sometimes that I actully start to wonder if I love him enough to keep putting up with it!!
10 comments:
Congrats on getting back in the game!! It's good to see that you are not letting it continue to get you down!
As far as the husband thing is concerned I will say only this:
They are men - unfortunately they don't think like women and often all you need to do is tell your husband what you are thinking and they do much better...but left to their own devices they will continue doing things as they have always done oblivious to the fact that you are feeling this way...at least that's what I've found with my husband?
I think those are every womans wants in their man! ;) I feel the same but have come to the realization that he is just not that type of guy!?
Sometimes I buy myself flowers as a little pick me up and it's almost the same!?
Glad to see you are back on track!! Sometimes a sidestep is good for us every now and then!
As for hubby... well...I dont really know what to say other then have him read your blog. Sometimes the truth hurts... but it is usually the one thing that always works.
I'm considering myself very lucky right now. I threaten mine within an inch of his life if he wastes anymore money on flowers....hey, leave me an email addy, I need to let you know something...
I am glad that you are back on track!!!!
As for the Mister, there isn't much I can say. I will be married a year on March 2nd and I was just telling a co-worker how overwhelming marriage can be. Don't get me wrong, I love being married, but the things I do in a 24 hour day is way overwhelming. We are thinking of getting pregnant at year's end, but honestly, I am not sure we are ready.
I hope your Mister reads your blog and gets a little wake up call.
Best Wishes
I think many women probably have similar complaints when it comes to their husbands (I know I do!). I've finally learned that I just need to ask for favors and help. Also, when he does "help," I try not to correct him--even when it's not done the way I want. Sometimes I just dig in my heels. "Either you cook dinner tonight while I relax--no asking for me help!--or we go out." Different men need different tactics. Just keep experimenting and you may find something that works to motivate him. But remember: men really don't get "subtle." They need to be hit over the head with a monkey wrench first. LOL
Congrats on being back in the game! And I love it that you called them set-backs and not failures. I'm going to steal that :)
As for your hubby troubles I have no words of wisdom. But maybe he'll read your blog and get the hint? Random flowers are the best, and you are cheap in your favorite flowers! How much easier could you make it? heehee.
Hang in there... and hopefully one of these days he'll figure it all out.
It is fantastic to see you positive.
As for the hubby, tell him. They have no clue what we want unless we look them in the eye and say it in plain English (or language of your choice). Most of them don't get subtle. Maybe if you tell him that you want help he will be more than willing to help out. (And in the future without asking!)
From small to large complaints, it sounds like you feel like you are missing respect (demonstrated through action!) from your husband: a recognition of your desires and needs in the marriage and in life in general. You two need a serious heart-to-heart at a moment when you are getting along okay. (Bringing it up during an argument will just make things worse.) Then you guys might could use a referee to help you figure things out--a therapist, maybe?
I am always telling people this, but the book Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has been HUGE in helping me and my husband set up good habits and patterns with each other. The book lays down the law for husbands, especially; both of you would need to read it.
Here's a link: http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609601040
Good for you getting stuck into the "game" again!
I think you should tell your husband what you are thinking and feeling. I know it is so easy to let romance slip by when you are busy and working and your lives are already full.
Tell him you want him to pay more attention to you and do things together more - he will soon get the picture and make move of an effort.
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